If you’ve been on this journey for any length of time it can feel like you’re being tossed by the waves with no sign of reprieve. We feel completely out of control and the more we try to take hold the more powerless we can feel and so the vicious circle continues!
Most of us are used to achieving things in our daily life from work to home life, we are used to the linear- “If I do ‘A’ and ‘B’, I will get the outcome ‘C’. We feel as if we have some say in the outcome of how most things go….
And then comes fertility…. Which is not linear at all and our brains don’t know how to handle it. It’s so hard to feel like we can’t control it. Control equals a sense of safety for the brain and when we don’t feel safe, that’s when the panic, anxiety and anger come in.
It’s hard to feel like there’s anything you can control, and we give our power up to the doctors, to God/Universe- pretty much anything but ourselves because we can’t “make” it happen on the timeline that we want, or think is best.
Here’s the good news:
You have more power on this journey than you think, or have been told. You’ve just been trying to control the part of the journey that isn’t your job. When you shift your focus to the part that is up to you- everything can change. I see it every day in my practice.
When trying to manifest something we really want in our lives, we tend to focus on needing it now and constantly wondering when it will happen and how and we feel the need to micromanage the process to make sure it happens because we feel we would die if it doesn’t happen. It’s hard to trust that the Universe is going to do it’s job- so we try to do it instead. It won’t work.
Manifesting is a co-creative process- meaning it’s not just you making it happen, and it’s not just the Universe or God making it happen. While you can’t force the timeline, you also can’t just leave it up to the “thing in the sky” to one day think you’re worthy enough for it to happen.
The Universe is responsible for the HOW, WHEN and WHERE something happens. You are responsible for the WHAT.
When you try to do its job of trying to figure out how, when and where—it’s painful. Not only can you not “solve” it like you normally solve things—it’s not your job. We’re stuck in fear and thanks to Law of Attraction are met with more of the same and the cycle perpetuates.
When you focus on your WHAT, you’re able to connect to that warm, capable feeling that then makes you, thanks to LOA, an energetic match to the thing you want. The more connected to your capability you are, the less of a match you are to worrying about the timeline because you KNOW you are going to be a mom. ‘How’ and ‘when’ doesn’t even matter in the grand scheme of things.
Where you have power is in building your capability and focusing on what are you excited for during the process. You can’t be in love and fear energetically at the same time. So the more you can focus on the things that light you up about the idea of being pregnant and why it’s likely this will work the more you’re on the same frequency as the thing you want.
It’s so hard to release control of the details of how, when and where. It’s our human default setting to want to control things to be safe. But if we want to move forward we have to stop trying to control something we can’t, and focus on what we can.
What we feel is way more important than what we think when it comes to manifesting because the universe hears the energy that you’re putting out, not the words you’re saying. When you’re connected to your innate capability and love for this baby; that is a completely different feeling than ‘I have to have 16 supplements, have a rigid diet and google everything under the sun to try to “make” it happen’.
Spend the time until you’re pregnant doing and feeling things that are a vibrational match to the thing you want. That is something you can have control over- your thoughts. You can always redirect them. Always.
Be okay with incrementally reclaiming this power. Take it where you can. It makes all the difference.
So what are 3 ways you can begin to take this power back?
1. Write a list of why you ARE capable of doing this
Look at physical, emotional, spiritual, environmental reasons why you can actually do this (I still get a cycle, I am financially stable, I am technically within childbearing age biologically, I’m working on releasing fears and old patterns). There are more reasons why you can than why you can’t. Have this list by your bedside table or on the refrigerator and look at it every day. Remember feeling is more important than thinking so don’t just read the list. Close your eyes with your hand on your heart and breathe. Say each one out loud. Let that drop into your body.
2. Implement a mantra of ‘I expect to be a mother’, ‘I deserve to be a mother’, or ‘I claim this baby’ and say it out loud in the mirror
Whatever phrase feels organic for you is fine. But people forget that the Law of Attraction doesn’t bring what you want, it brings what you expect. Most of us on this journey under the surface expect to get our period, expect to have an overwhelming doctors appointment, expect that it’s up to the thing in the sky. Words, like expect, deserve and claim, are words that are really about owning this experience. You need to own it. That’s your part of co-creating this manifestation with the universe. You HAVE to claim your ‘what’. The Universe can’t do that part for you. You can’t pick the ‘how, when or where’; but you can own the ‘what’. “I’m going to be a mum”. Period. How and when that happens is fine, but it’s happening. Own it from a place of power, not from fear or force. You know deep down on a soul level you’re meant to be a mother. When you’re connected to that, you’re an energetic match to that.
3. Set boundaries
Meditate before doctors’ appointments or other potentially stressful situations. Go over the reasons why you are capable and that you don’t need to absorb someone else’s limited view of your capability. Make sure you have a doctor that is on Team You. If you feel bullied or not heard by them, switch. If your doctor scares you with statistics, politely tell them that numbers don’t help, they actually make it more stressful for you.
If friends or family say things like “ Oh you’re still trying? Isn’t it harder/more dangerous” Tell them that that’s actually an outdated perspective, there’s more to that than age alone and that you and your partner are pursuing the avenues that feel good to you. It’s okay if they don’t understand that.
We want to think of this as not how to get control, but to re-establish power. Control is something to try to latch onto or keep a handle on. Power comes from you. It is you. And you all can plug into yours. Moving from fear to power will change the game for you. These are just three ways. There are many more. Know that you can do this, mamas. All the best on your journeys.