I recently listened to some really inspiring talks by Dr Joe Dispenza who is a researcher. His passion can be found at the intersection of the latest findings from the fields of neuroscience, epigenetics and quantum physics. What struck me was he talked about how we are all becoming addicted to stress hormones. As he said this it really made me think about couples who are on a fertility journey. When we have a crisis in our life, we tend to focus on what we don’t want to happen instead of what we do want to happen and this triggers stress hormones. I hear this from my clients trying to get pregnant all the time. They avoid baby shops, baby programmes, friends with babies, attending baby showers etc.. When actually what they really need to do is the exact opposite.
We live in a society where there is a lot of negative opinion and thought around Fertility. Standing back from it, a lot of the things we hear via the media, the medical profession and society at large is actually very negative. This influences our thoughts and beliefs about how quickly/easily we can fall pregnant.
So many of my clients tell me that they:
- Become quite obsessed about getting pregnant when it isn’t happening as quickly as they might have thought. This leads them to start feeling like they need to control everything to make it happen.
- They often tell me that they start cutting themselves off from their friends with babies or can’t even look at a pregnant woman without getting upset
These thought processes are creating stress in the body.
When we are stressed, the rush of adrenaline and cortisol arouse the brain and body, providing a rush of energy. In time, people can become addicted to the rush of that chemistry – and then they use the people and conditions in their lives to reaffirm their addiction to the emotion, just to keep feeling that heightened state.
It’s very easy for people to use stressful conditions to re-create that rush of energy, and without realising it, become emotionally addicted to a life that they don’t actually like or want. We can see this when it comes to fertility as people can become very depressed and stressed about the fact that they aren’t falling pregnant when they want to.
Science tells us that such chronic, long-term stress pushes the genetic buttons that create disease. If a person is turning the stress response on by thinking about their fertility problems of the past, e.g. that they still haven’t fallen pregnant despite trying for months and months, you could say that your thoughts are making you sick and potential preventing conception. Since stress hormones are so powerful, a person can become addicted to their own thoughts that were making them feel so bad.
If your mind is full of negative thoughts like:
“I’m still not pregnant, I wonder if there’s something seriously wrong with me”
“Another one of my friends is pregnant, why am I the odd one out”
By going within and changing your unconscious thoughts, automatic habits, and emotional states, which can become hardwired in the brain and emotionally conditioned in the body we can change this outcome, but how?
Answer: By practicing meditation
In meditation you can teach your body emotionally what your future would feel like ahead of the actual experience. Your body as the unconscious mind does not know the difference between the real event and the one you are imagining and emotionally embracing. Through understanding the elevated emotions of: love, joy, gratitude, inspiration, compassion, and freedom, you can signal new genes to make healthy proteins affecting the body’s structure and function.
You brain has a record of the past, its recorded everything you’ve learned and experienced up to this moment, it’s the memory bank of everything you know, it’s the known self.
You wake up to in the morning and you start thinking about your problems, 90% of people do this. Those problems are memories which are etched in your brain, connected to certain people, objects, situations, times and places. If you believe your thoughts have something to do with your future then it will. The moment you’re remembering your past, you are thinking in the past. Every one of those problems has an emotion associated with them. Thus they are causing you to feel unhappy.
Thoughts are the vocabulary of the brain and feelings are the vocabulary of your body. How you think and how you feel creates a state of being. Most people start their day with their entire state of being in the familiar past.
In the familiar past they are going to crave the predictable future cos they want to stay in the known. They’d rather hang on to pain and suffering rather than take a chance on possibility, they don’t even know they’re suffering. They just think its how they normally feel.
Stress influences you to obsess about your problems so you can be prepared for the worst case scenario based on your past memories. Each monthly disappointment of seeing your period show up rather than a positive pregnancy test could well create enough negative thoughts that you just expect it to happen again and again and block any other possibility.
Manifesting your baby
If you want a baby, you need to get in touch with how it would make you feel if it actually happened. Allow yourself to feel those feelings of happiness rather than avoiding those feelings for fear of disappointment if it didn’t happen.
Most people don’t do this because they would rather protect themselves from feeling all the negative feelings associated with disappointment. You may feel like you’re protecting yourself by avoiding those happy feelings but the pain is still the same whether you’ve prepared for it in your head or not.
When you only focus on what’s not happening, then you’re feeling lack and separation, so you try harder to produce the outcome by controlling things that you feel would help your fertility.
If a person is living in anger, impatience, resentment, frustration and is holding the intention of their future, that’s creating a mind and body that are in opposition. There’s no vibrational match between anything in their future because they’re saying why hasn’t this happened. They’re waiting for a positive pregnancy test to feel like they’ve achieved their goal. That’s the old model of reality, of cause and effect.
Waiting for something outside to change how we feel inside is actually the wrong way around. Sit your body down, disconnect to your environment don’t get up and do anything, relax into the present moment. Teach your body emotionally what that future feels like before it happens.
Well, the stronger the emotion you feel from the future you’re creating the more you’re going to pay attention to the pictures in your mind. You’re going to begin to remember your future, and biologically it’s the same as remembering your past. Then, you have to stay in the feeling of that future in order to be aligned to that destiny. If you loose the feeling due to seeing a pregnant lady (which then triggers sad feelings that you’re not pregnant yet) for example, this will cause you to become disconnected to the energy of the future and reconnect to the energy of the past.
When there’s a vibrational match between your energy and its synchronised with something you want, you can draw events and things to you. Now you no longer need to go somewhere to get it, you can begin to draw events and experiences to you and they’re going to come in a way you cannot predict. This is a very important point when it comes to Infertility. If all you want is it to have a baby and become a mother you need to let go of the ‘HOW’ its going to happen for you. Be open to letting the universe deliver your baby to you in the best possible way for you. You might think that its via your body being birthed by you. But as you know life doesn’t always work out the way we think it will. By focusing on the ‘how’ too much may block achieving your goal. So I urge you to let go of the how you’re going to get your baby and just focus on the fact that you will get your baby and be open to how it comes to you because you may be pleasantly surprised.
If this resonates with you, here are my recommendations for you to get into a more positive mindset:
- Create a vision board – stick inspirational pictures of the life you want to create with your baby in it
- Go to baby shops and start choosing what you want for your baby
- Buy an item for your baby, sit it by your bed so you see it every day and it’ll be the perfect reminder that your baby is on its way
- Have a daily meditation practice – where you visualise your baby, you see your baby in your house, in all your rooms, visualise your family meeting your baby etc…
Please note: This may be a leap of faith if you’ve never meditated before but it is really worth a try. Trust that it’s a positive step and something that you can do to help you feel like you’re moving forward in the right direction towards your goal of having a baby.
If you’d like to discuss your fertility situation with me please do get in touch: www.cassieeverett.com