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<\/figure><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\nSheila shares her valuable insights into being a mother to her donor-conceived daughter. Sheila talks to Fertility Road about what she wished she\u2019d known prior to taking the egg donor route to parenthood. Here she explores her thoughts and feelings before, during and after donor IVF.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Fertilitetsvej<\/strong>: Sheila, thank you so much for talking to us at Fertility Road. At what age did you start to consider egg donation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sheila<\/strong>: Initially when I was forty-two, then seriously when I was forty-five.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fertilitetsvej<\/strong>: What were your fertility circumstances at the time? Why was egg donation on your radar?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sheila<\/strong>: We were diagnosed with \u2018unexplained infertility\u2019 when I was forty-two and after our first unsuccessful ICSI cycle, our UK clinic mentioned we might need egg donation because out of six embryos, only one was chromosomally normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fertilitetsvej<\/strong>: Was it a difficult decision to make? How did you go about finding out about egg donation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sheila<\/strong>: After that unsuccessful cycle with my own eggs, we carried on trying naturally for three years because there was no known reason, but during that time egg donation was in the back of my mind. I don\u2019t remember grieving that any child I had wouldn\u2019t be mine biologically. I always knew that I would love the child I gave birth to as I\u2019d always wanted to be a Mum, and here I was, well into my 40\u2019s and still trying. I wasn\u2019t actively looking for information and there wasn\u2019t a lot available, certainly no-one was openly talking about it back Fertilitetsvej<\/strong>: Were there particular sources of information which helped you to make the decision to go ahead with egg donation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sheila<\/strong>: I knew about the Donor Conception Network but I didn\u2019t get around to contacting them, and there was Fertility Friends, but I don\u2019t remember there being much information about the clinic we had in mind and egg donation in Spain. I had an appointment with Fertility & Pregnancy expert, Zita West in early 2009 and she also advised that egg donation was likely to be our best option to become parents. So, most of our information came from the clinic in southern Spain when we had our first appointment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fertilitetsvej<\/strong>: Did you have good sources of emotional support at the time?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sheila<\/strong>: Not really. We didn\u2019t know anyone else who had been through egg donation and we didn\u2019t speak to a counsellor. Counselling wasn\u2019t suggested by our clinic. I think we\u2019d been trying for so many years that we had got used to the idea and we talked about it together a lot. We were just relieved that this could be the route to becoming parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fertilitetsvej<\/strong>: Looking back, were there things you wished you\u2019d known at the decision-making stage?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sheila<\/strong>: Yes, there were, but because I can\u2019t change it, I don\u2019t look back. I now understand that my Fertilitetsvej<\/strong>: Is there an opportunity to ask the clinic in Spain for more information on your donor? Was your donor anonymous?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sheila<\/strong>: Yes, our donor was anonymous. Like a lot of parents-to-be who have to consider that a donor is their only way to have a family, one worry we had was that if the donor was known, would our child see me as their mother? Now that I have my daughter, I know this worry was totally needless because I am her Mum. But we can\u2019t help these thoughts. Unfortunately, the clinic in Spain only gave us the minimum information mentioned previously, and as far as I\u2019m aware, there are no plans to change the law in Spain around the anonymity of egg donors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fertilitetsvej<\/strong>: Looking back at the IVF\/egg donation cycle, what do you recall as being the highs and lows?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sheila<\/strong>: I felt more optimistic with both egg donor cycles because it seemed the issue was my eggs, so it felt like we were getting closer to being parents. Then when I lost the baby after the first cycle at six weeks, that was definitely a very low time. It was the first time I\u2019d ever been pregnant and I was devastated. As there were no frozen embryos we had to start again with a new donor, and we\u2019d decided this would be our last attempt so it was an intense time. We threw everything we could at this cycle so we knew we\u2019d tried out best, including blood tests for thrombophilia, NK cells and Factor V Leiden, and although the results were within normal ranges, I was prescribed medication to reduce the risk anyway. The highest of highs was seeing our future baby as a four-cell, two-day old embryo (in our case), before transfer. Priceless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fertilitetsvej<\/strong>: With the benefit of hindsight, what would you have said to yourself at the time?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sheila<\/strong>: I would have told myself to get professional counselling help to navigate the negative emotions I had of infertility, the feelings surrounding loss and grief, the anxiety and of losing who I had been. Nowadays all these feelings are out in the open and shared in the TTC (trying to conceive) community which is fantastic. It is also the reason I put together my \u2018Fertility Books\u2019 series which is available globally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
in 2009. Then, one Sunday in August I was reading a Sunday paper supplement, and there was an article
about egg donation in Spain. An English nurse from a Spanish clinic was interviewed and it just felt like I was supposed to read this article. My husband and I don\u2019t speak Spanish so knowing there would be someone there who was English was reassuring. In the UK, egg donation was no longer anonymous, so there would\u2019ve been a couple of years wait, and we didn\u2019t have time on our side.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
daughter may want to know more about the egg donor as she gets older and any biological half-siblings. But this was never discussed and it never crossed my mind, or if it did, I didn\u2019t know if these were normal feelings. If she wants to know in the future, of course I\u2019ll support her in the way that is best for her. Now my daughter is here and she\u2019s a person, it would be nice to have more information about the donor, as we have very little information other than her hair and eye colour, height, weight, age and interests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n