HealthFertility Psychological Vital Signs

Fertility Psychological Vital Signs

I have an old Land Rover that I am slowly doing up. Recently the oil light came on as I was driving. This can mean that either the oil level is low or the oil pressure is low. Either way, it can cause catastrophic damage to the engine. Or, it could be a faulty sensor or wiring. My hunch said it was the sensor/wiring but I couldn’t risk it. I knew the oil level was fine so I fitted an oil pressure gauge. This is like checking our blood pressure. We can’t see it but it tells us vital things about our health. The oil pressure was fine so I knew it was safe to drive. The engine was healthy, I just had a faulty sensor or wiring that was giving me a false indication of a problem. 

Our body has ‘vital signs’ that indicate our core health such as our body temperature, blood pressure and pulse. An engine in the same. Oil pressure, engine temperature and oil pressure. 

Likewise in my experience, there can be vital signs as to whether our psychology (thinking and feelings) are impacting our chances of getting pregnant. These can include:

Lack of acceptance of yourself and your circumstances today. Acceptance does not mean giving up. Acceptance is accepting where you are doing, knowing you are OK today and knowing nothing can predict the future, your past and the current situation does not dictate your future. Nothing can predict the future. It’s also accepting you are OK for who you ARE today. You are no less worthy, deserving or valuable than anyone else regardless of whether you have a baby yet or not. 

Having I’m OK if/when… thinking. Thinking your sense of happiness, security, worth etc. are dependant on external circumstances. Thinking that your experience in life is caused by or dependant on external circumstances. This is like being on a merry-go-round. If you think your security is dependant on having more money when you get the promotion or new job that pays more, you feel great for a short while, but then it becomes the new normal and you still feel insecure, perhaps you fear losing your job due to the economy or something. When we look outside of ourselves for a feeling within we are looking in the wrong place so we never find what we are looking for. It becomes like scratching an itch. Everything you seek, contentment, a sense of being complete, happiness, love is within you. We are born with it. You access it when you are present when your mind settles and you re-connect to your true self and the oneness of life. 

Feeling like a victim. Comparing yourselves to others and judging it’s not fair that others get to have a baby without problems and it’s not fair that you don’t. Being angry with ‘life’ for the lot you’ve been given. You are a good person and why should you deserve this heartache? This makes the circumstances about us as if it’s personal as if someone has control over life and they’ve inflicted this painful experience on you. It isn’t fair you are right. Life is chaotic, stuff happens, it’s not predictable. But it’s also not personal. 

I can see how all three of these played out on our 10 year fertility journey. If we knew then what we know now it would not have been a 10 year journey. 

A car’s vital sign of low oil pressure can create a symptom of the oil light coming on, the engine being noisy, loss of power and eventually going the engine going bang. In the same way, our fertility psychological vital signs can create symptoms. Symptoms such as obsessing over finding ‘the’ thing that may make the difference in you getting pregnant, the monthly feeling of despair and upset when you start your period or wanting to be happy for someone else when they are pregnant but you can’t find it in you due to the distress within you. 

What vital signs do you think you have? What action can you take to prevent them from impacting your chances of getting pregnant

Russell Davis
Russell Davis is a Fertility Coach and Cognitive Hypnotherapist, writer and speaker with personal experience of infertility. Russell helps people have the optimal mindset to get pregnant and is the author the best seller Conceivable. Find out more about his work here

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