Michelle was 39 and terrified of not being pregnant before she became 40. Are you afraid of the big 40 looming and are terrified time is running out? I was. I was terrified of missing out on life, being left behind by our peers who were on their second child by then.
How do you let go of this fear when we know fertility degrades as you get older?
The first thing to recognise is that you don’t wake up on your 40th birthday being half as fertile as the day before. Of course, you know that, but it’s not how it feels! It’s an example of how our thinking, not reality, creates our experience in life. 100% of our feelings come from thought, not our circumstances.
It is like a movie in our head. The best movies are the ones where, at times, we forget it’s real. We are drawn in by the acting, directorship and special effects. Our thoughts have the best special effects in the whole world. Our feelings!
Fear of running out of time is like any other fear. Fear is the misuse of imagination. It’s future thinking and nothing can predict the future, not even your future thinking. We forget we don’t have the superpower to see into the future. We are obsessed with wanting to know. We are scared of the unknown, not being in control. This can mean we end up believing our imagination as that’s more comfortable with not knowing.
I know a gynaecologist that specialises in helping women over 40 get pregnant. He believes that preparation, pre-treatment is key. Getting the body and mind into the healthiest state for success. He includes the mind as he knows that women at this age are often even more frantic in their pursuit to have a baby as they are worried time is running out.
My advice to Michelle, who has just had her third failed IVF cycle, was to take a break. For us spend some time preparing her psychologically for the next IVF treatment. She went into that cycle with a completely different outlook and was completely surprised at how relaxed she felt. She now has a delightful daughter.
Listen to how you can let go of your fear of time running out on this podcast episode.