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Overcoming the regret of waiting to have a baby

Overcoming the regret of waiting to have a baby

For the past 20 years, I’ve been helping women in their late 30s and 40s get pregnant with natural strategies.

Almost all have expressed how devastatingly difficult the journey has been.  Some have spent tens of thousands of dollars in fertility treatment…with no baby.

Most women don’t realize that age often becomes the main reason for having trouble conceiving after 35 years.

First IVF magazine
15 articles about IVF and Donor Conception by top IVF experts worldwide!

Because of how long it’s taken to conceive, many regret delaying having a baby.

In some cases, there really wasn’t a choice.  It might have been because you met your partner later than you expected.  Or you’ve given up on meeting the one and are now deciding to go the single mother route.  Or you had a health issue that needed to be addressed first.

For others, it might have been the choice to focus on building a career first or you just weren’t ready.

Regardless of the reason, you’re here now. 

If you’re wishing you had started sooner and not waited so long, let’s talk about how to ease that regret with 2 simple steps…

  1. Take an objective look at your life from the bird’s eye view.  Are you happy with it overall? If you remove the element of not getting pregnant, you may realize that it’s pretty darn good.  Maybe even an amazing one.
  2. Now, dial into the specifics of what you actually HAVE instead of your default of focusing on what’s missing i.e. your baby


Take an inventory of all that’s going well for you.  Write them down in a journal so you can reference this list when you’re feeling down or add to it when you recognize a new gift.

To start your list, here are some things to consider…your partner, friends, family, job, being alive, waking up every day with the ability to start fresh, a beautiful home filled with joy and laughter, a pantry full of food, the power you have to bring things you want into your life with your focus, etc.

This 2-step process is simple, but it’s not easy.  It requires constant vigilance of the direction of your thoughts.  Because it’s a skill that most people need to develop, it requires consistent practice for it to become second nature.  Over time, you might even call yourself a practical idealist.

Why is looking on the bright side and staying positive so important and not just woo-woo fluff that you’ve already heard?

Because you get what you think, NOT what you want.

In basking in the abundance that surrounds you and truly appreciating what you have with heartfelt sincerity, you will attract more of that same vibration.  And it just feels so much better to “stay in the light” rather than groping blindly for a light switch in the dark vastness of potential pitfalls.

In the same vein, if you get stuck in the absence of baby and the associated feelings of loneliness, feeling deprived or left out, those negative emotions gather more similar thoughts.  Everything you read will only validate that it’s too late for you – that’s known as “observation bias” where you see things that confirm your experience. It’s like when you buy a new car and you suddenly see it everywhere around you.  Or you see pregnant women everywhere you go.

Pregnancy is a state of joyful anticipation and unconditional love.  The closer you can get to those vibrations, the more likely you’ll make the transition from pre-conception to pregnancy because it’s less of a jump.

However, the distance from fear and doubt to the bliss of pregnancy is like the Grand Canyon – a much more difficult shift.  Close that gap with the 2-step process of appreciation described above.

Unconditional love includes love for yourself which means letting go of your regrets.  They serve only to keep you chained to the past.

The future is ahead of you, not in the rearview mirror.

Julie Chang
Julie Chang
Julie Chang is a licensed acupuncturist since 2000 with a practice in San Diego, CA. She also helps women all over the world including Europe, Asia, and Africa overcome fertility issues with her online coaching program and with one-on-one consultations. Ms. Chang specializes in helping women in their mid to late-30s and 40s because she enjoys teaching women how to live healthier lives physically, emotionally, and spiritually so that they can have the healthy baby they dream of.

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15 articles about IVF and Donor Conception by top IVF experts worldwide!