Eloise’s sperm donation story
Eloise’s fertility journey
Eloise: My husband and I were trying to conceive for six months naturally and when it didn’t happen, we decided to have a fertility check done at a clinic. To our disbelief, my husband’s sperm analysis came back showing zero sperm. My husband received a Klinefelter Syndrome infertility diagnosis which meant that for us to have children IVF was needed. The experience completely shifted our outlook, and purpose. After being told that we would need to have IVF, my husband underwent a Micro-TESE sperm retrieval operation in the United States. Sadly, it was unsuccessful, so donor sperm was our only route to having a baby with my eggs.
How they felt about using a donor
Eloise: It all happened incredibly fast! We chose our sperm donor before my husband’s operation; in case they couldn’t find sperm in his testes. We got the news that the operation was unsuccessful the day before my egg retrieval, so we only had one night to digest that we would be moving forward with fertilizing my eggs with donor sperm, fresh, the very next day. It was a difficult time.
How their feelings changed
Eloise: When we came back from that first cycle with donor sperm IVF, it didn’t work. We got the results back in the UK and we were devastated. I think my husband was relieved however to have a bit more time to digest the news and recover from his painful operation. When we went back to the United States a few months later to try again with two frozen embryos, we were both in a much better place emotionally and physically.
Choosing a sperm donor
Eloise: We both had different ‘favourite’ choices, however we started the search with looks and personality traits (to best match my husband). Everyone is unique, so you can’t replicate someone, but for us, being Caucasian, having blue eyes, being 6ft 3” tall and having a humorous personality, was key. We also took into consideration advanced medical history and academic results. It also helped that our chosen donor had the same favourite food and animal as my husband!
How long donor selection took
Eloise: We chose and bought sperm in about six weeks, because we had a planned date for our IVF cycle to begin and my husband’s operation abroad was scheduled.
Her advice for others
Eloise: Read up about anonymous vs open and think about the child’s best interests. There is no right or wrong, but when the child is here, it soon shifts from your fertility story to the child’s story. Find a solid support network. We have an amazing free Fertility Squad with thousands of people also considering donor conception, which you’re welcome to join here.
What she wishes she’d known
Eloise: There will be emotional bumps in the road, but it’s the most amazing gift and we love our children to pieces.
Telling the children about their origins
Eloise: We have already started! There are some amazing books out there to help tell the story to your donor conceived child – some of which you can personalise. We have book discounts on www.fertilityhelphub.com, if you’d like to use them. We started speaking about it from before our children could talk, more to make us feel comfortable with telling the story. Our children love reading their personalised books with us! We don’t talk about it every day but as and when it feels natural, we do.
How it changed her life
Eloise: When our twins were six months old, I decided to leave my job in advertising and set up a community-led platform (Fertility Help Hub), which offers people around the globe all the resources, community, and expert support I wish we’d had access to at the time. It’s grown hugely over the past three years and it’s wonderful when readers and followers message us saying how grateful they are for the expertise and support. Subscribe to our weekly newsletter here to see what it’s all about.
Finding support
Eloise: Sadly, I couldn’t find a like-minded community or support groups when we went through our struggles six years ago (hence starting my own community), however some friends and close family were everything to us. I love being connected to other parents of donor conceived children through the work I do now. I am always happy to talk to anyone considering using a donor or having treatment with donor conception – follow us on Instagram here and drop me a DM anytime.
Sperm Donation: FAQs
Why might a couple need donor sperm?
Donor sperm may be the route to parenthood when the male partner has no sperm in his ejaculate (azoospermia), for example due to Klinefelter Syndrome, and surgical sperm retrieval such as micro-TESE is unsuccessful. It is also used by single women and same-sex female couples.
How do you choose a sperm donor?
Many recipients start with looks and personality to match a partner, then consider medical history, academic background and other traits. There is no way to replicate a person, but matching key characteristics helps the child fit the family.
Should you choose an anonymous or identity-release donor?
It is worth reading up on both and considering the child’s best interests, as the focus soon shifts from your fertility story to the child’s own story. In the UK, donor-conceived people can access identifying information about their donor at 18.
