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How to change your partner!

How to change your partner!

If it’s not tough enough as it is infertility can put a strain on the best of relationships. Sadly, a study found that the distress of infertility can cause even more heartbreak. Couples who didn’t have a baby after fertility treatments were more likely to break up.

The study, which was published in the journal Acta Obstetricia et Gynecologica Scandinavica, tracked 47,515 women who were evaluated for infertility over 12 years. Of those women, 57% ended up having a baby, while 43% of them did not. After the 12-year follow-up period, the couples who were not successful in having a baby were up to three times more likely to have ended their relationship than the couples who had a baby.

The biggest thing that creates relationship problems is a judgement that the other person is not loving us in the way we need, want or deserve. How can you change this? How can you change their behaviour/way of being?

First IVF magazine
15 articles about IVF and Donor Conception by top IVF experts worldwide!

Believe it or not you can!

Recently I’ve been feeling like my wife has been judging me or not loving me in a way I deserve. But I changed that! Yes, I changed how she was being with me. Let me explain how in these four steps!

I was judging my wife, as not loving me the way I want or ‘deserve’. Or judging she is not engaging (‘dancing’) with me in the way I think we ‘should’ be engaging, whether she is making our relationship as priority as much as me (notice the judgement in that). 

So, here’s how I unpacked that has led to a palpable rise in the level of feeling connected for both of us.  

Where am I seeing her where she isn’t…? And where do I also have that same behaviour/judgement?

  1. Judging as to how much she is ‘dancing’ or whether she is ‘dancing’ enough….AND ALSO IN ME.
  2. Seeing her as someone who is worried about what others think of her…AND ALSO IN ME.
  3. Seeing her as someone who is scared to make a decision…AND ALSO IN ME.
  4. Seeing her as not being compassionate to me/being harsh with me…AND ALSO IN ME.
  5. Seeing her as not respecting me…AND ALSO IN ME.

The AND ALSO  IN ME is a moment when I found the same behaviour and judgement in myself. Getting brutally honest with myself and acknowledging it. 

The next stage is to forgive MYSELF for those judgements of myself:

  • I forgive myself for judging myself as not doing enough.
  • I forgive myself for judging me as not being enough.
  • I forgive myself for being scared of being ME.
  • I forgive myself fo being hard on myself.
  • I forgive myself for not seeing my greatness.

The next stage is to declare the truth of who and my wife is. 

  • I AM enough. She is enough.
  • I AM free to be me.  She is free to be herself.
  • I AM proud of who I am.  I am proud of who she is.
  • I AM limitless.  She is limitless.

The final stage is to declare who I am in how I help elevate my wife to be who she truly is:

  • I AM that she is enough. 
  • I AM that she is free to be herself.
  • I AM that she is proud of who she is.
  • I AM that she is limitless. 
  • I AM that she sees me as enough. 
  • I AM that she allows me to be myself.
  • I AM that she is proud of who I am.
  • I AM that she sees me as limitless. 

This is acknlowledging that we are powerful creators. Our thoughts and words create our reality. They create others around us. The create the energy we live in.

Since doing this and reading through this each morning I have been connecting with the truth of why I am and the truth of who she is, seeing through the illusion of my childhood insecure thoughts and feelings.

It’s like I see her relating to me in a new light. I’ve removed my habitual insecurity goggles. My wife says she feels liberated from my judgements. So she feels more loved and connected and thus will naturally be more loving to me in return.

You truly can change your partner, by changing how you see yourself and them. 

Happy creating more of the relationship you want that nurtures and supports you on this journey.

Loving you

Russell Davis
Russell Davis
Russell Davis is a Fertility Coach and Cognitive Hypnotherapist, writer and speaker with personal experience of infertility. Russell helps people have the optimal mindset to get pregnant and is the author the best seller Conceivable. Find out more about his work here

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15 articles about IVF and Donor Conception by top IVF experts worldwide!